Every time I ride a taxi alone, I remember that night. The night you clutched my arm and rested your head on my shoulder. The night your soft, God-carved fingers locked into mine. The night when the sweet fragrance of your ebony black hair was an aphrodisiac; I was addicted and drunk. The night I kissed your forehead multiple times whilst looking at your lips.... longing for the day when I would be allowed to raise your chin and press mine into yours. Longing perhaps, to hear the words I would say before bidding goodbye. Longing....to hold your hand while we walked the same path in life. To see you smile... to see euphoria etched in your angelic facade, to see your eyes look into my own the same way I looked into yours.... it was all I ever dreamed of. To hear our hearts beat in unison, like a thousand horsemen in full gallop.
Fate had decided but you had other plans. Mutual love between us was never possible. Though unrequited, I was truly happy...blinded perhaps, but happy.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
It is done
The die is cast
The future has a new foundation
While the past is a euphoric memory
Hoping to be forgotten.
The transcendence of what we once had
Would send thousands into a frenzy
Would send thousands into a frenzy
Love sought, promises broken
All led to me looking back.
To pursue what we once had
Will be another fruitless undertaking
Will be another fruitless undertaking
Will madness or stupidity prevail?
Or will a divine light intervene?
Or will a divine light intervene?
The clock ticked as we held hands
Mindlessly ignorant of our fate
A fate you decided
A fate I never hoped to endure.
In times of bliss, you were the cause
In times of sorrow, you weren't there
I wish I could have done more
Too late, the thing I dread had come to pass.
You will no longer see at my lowest
Nor will you see me at my best
I have come to realize that I was a fool
A fool that fell for someone far away from me
I will not part with you with feelings of contempt
But with a heavy heart, please remember that I loved you
And promise that you'll be happy
And that you'll make the right choices life gave you.
I love you, Kez.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
A Summary of a Weird Guy's Female Interaction in College
He's kind of conceited, considering himself as intellectually superior compared to most people. Though he isn't arrogant, some consider him to be. If he shows flashes of it, then it isn't intentional.
In this entry we're not going to name names, we're going to use code names. (If you think your description fits the persons involved, don't go all gangsta on me)
The moment he stepped in college, he had semi-bald hair and he didn't know anyone in his class. There were about a ton of girls and only a handful of biological and thankfully psychological males in his class. It was awkward. He was awkward. His silence and nonchalant expression showed it. Anyway, we will call the first girl that got his attention "Pi". She was an absolute beauty. No man could ever gaze upon that facade of hers and not stare for at least 10 seconds. Her jet-black hair shone like diamonds struck by the sunlight, her skin milky white and free of worldly, ummm, ahhh, whatever, makinis. Vance even managed to sit beside her in one of the classes and he was like an expressionless marble statue unable to find the words to express his bewilderment. Things took a wrong turn however, when she started showing symptoms of being "suplada". And plus, her teeth aren't really straight. And well, being a gold digger is a turn off.
Next, a girl let's call "Curls". She greeted Vance every class and sat near to him everyday. As her name suggested, she had curly hair. She was an awesome dancer too. She's someone most guys would die to have but Vance didn't give a damn about it. His tactlessness at that time cost him heavily. As one classmate told him, she was into him in the first few weeks.
Biology class. This started the long, winding road that will ultimately lead to nowhere. The road itself was hell. There were no detours or other pathways, just impediments on the side of the road, prowling. The road hasn't reached a dead end yet, but I assume that the end is in sight and it will be ugly. Anyway, the next girl that got his attention is a certified intellectual giant with a voice that made him fall for her. He did not see her but the voice mesmerized and haunted his nights. He had to see her. Her had to. After he did, he came upon a short, not his legal definition of hot, fair-skinned girl with medium length hair. But her eyes pierced through the foundations of his conscience and made him want to kick Cupid for shooting him down mercilessly. She spoke in front of class again. Her voice. Oh her voice. Days after, he was chilling in front of the college building when she went up and talked to him. He couldn't stop blinking. It was a surreal moment. Emotions drained from his soul and he couldn't think. Words flowed out of his mouth without the consent of his effed up brain. He was in love with her, and it stayed that way for years. He was taken aback when she said she never read any Harry Potter book (seriously, you love fiction but never read them?). She loved mythology. She asked Vance what his favorite story was and he replied "Cupid and Psyche". It was her favorite too.
After he went home that night, he couldn't help but smack himself. He'd finally found someone he actually liked. And plus, he had gotten the cellphone number of the girl we'll call Anna.
Part two will be posted soon. I swear.
Part two will be posted soon. I swear.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Dysfunctional: Football vs Basketball
Take note, this isn't one of those typical immature football vs basketball rants you'd find on the net. Continue reading.
The Philippines is an archipelago. Yes, we learned that in our first grade classes. Seven thousand one hundred seven islands of varying cultures, customs, festivals and languages. Not to mention that the blood that runs through our veins is a melting pot of races. Even in my short (yes, I admit that I am, however, I'd like to call myself average) 5'5 stature, I have a bit of Chinese and Spanish blood in me. I don't even know the country of origin of my family name.
Filipinos are very much open to the idea of mixed races, take for example our football national team, the Azkals. We have players of Danish, British, Dutch and Spanish descent. People from other nations may call them Europeans (and some of our compatriots might, due to their insatiable hunger for Krabby Patties) due to their strict notion of purity of race. However, majority of the Filipinos don't care much about mixed bloodlines. They're pouring it out on the pitch all for the glory of their mother's and their homeland. That's all that matters.
The scenario is no different to that of our national basketball team, composed of some Fil-American players like Gabe Norwood and Matt Ganuelas Rosser and naturalized Filipino Marcus Douthit, who was quoted saying: “ I'll never have Filipino blood, but as far as becoming a Filipino, I'll always have it in my heart."
We've embraced several foreigners and considered them our own as well, like Alex Compton whose Filipino is a lot better than mine (I'm Ilonggo by the way), Rafe Bartholomew who wrote what I call the "Bible of Philippine Basketball", The Pacific Rims. If you haven't read it yet, you're not worthy to be called a basketball fan. Point is, I'm starting to think that blood isn't all important in making you a full-fledged Filipino. Internet "geniuses", crabs and journalists and politicians poking fun and ridicule at their own countrymen aren't really the type that I'd call Filipino. I don't see the logic behind calling them one of my own. I want to name names but an internet libel case wouldn't be an ideal jumpstart to a career in journalism, which happens to be my chosen field of study.
With that said, we're now off to the main topic at hand. We've all been aware of the Azkals exploits in the 2012 AFF Suzuki Cup. Some may call it a failure or a stagnancy, but I call it an improvement. Yes, we also reached the semifinals of the 2010 edition, but we proved this year that it wasn't a fluke. Our guys fought tooth and nail against the likes of Thailand and Singapore and triumphed against Vietnam and Myanmar, who we never hoped to beat until two years ago.
Unbeknownst to everyone, the AFF Suzuki Cup ran SMACK into the United Football League (or UFL) Cup schedule. The finals between Stallion FC vs Global and the battle for third between the Green Archers United and Loyola Meralco Sparks had to be moved to a later date, to which the UFL gladly obliged. Despite only relying from sponsors, team owners and aficionados and suffering from (I presume and I'm sure that this notion wouldn't be contested) shortage of monetary budget, these guys gave way. Admirable.
Segue to basketball. Our beloved Smart Gilas Pilipinas, mostly made up of amateur players, finished fourth in the 2011 FIBA Asia Championships. Despite being two victories short of qualifying to the Olympics, many saw this as the reemergence of Philippine basketball in the Asian scene, after dismal performances in the last decade. Only this year, our Smart Gilas 2.0, shocked everyone by winning the Philippines' fourth crown in the annual William Jones Cup. What made the campaign amazing is that most victories came from behind (games vs USA, Japan and Anyang KGC of South Korea) and all, sans two, were nailbiters (remember David's clutch jumpshots vs the SoKors? LA Tenorio's heroics vs the USA? Norwood's clutch treys that came out of nowhere? How we all held our breath when Mehdi Kamrani launched what could have been the game-winner?). Watch this video as a reference:
Yeah. TE-NO-REE-YOW! We were all screaming and jumping for joy when the screen flashed, Philippines 76-75 USA. "Congrats Philippines" and "LA Tenorio" were the top trends WORLDWIDE on Twitter that day. Nostalgic. We all long for the day that we can experience the same euphoria.
Despite all this, there are entities that seem to connive with the purpose of not allowing us to gain a much-coveted place in the Basketball World Cup in 2014. I don't mind us not being the hosts of the Asian Championships, it's FIBA's loss anyway. What I'm referring to is the inability of certain sectors to sit in a room, make an agreement that would benefit the motherland. But hey, we're talking about ticket sales, championships, business rivalries and pride, aren't we?
Our basketball league runs a full 10 months a year, generating millions of pesos (as opposed to those who say that it is a dying league). It's all about profit. It's all about pride. It's all about disunity and inability to give way to what is direly needed.
Money and pride, enough to make cooperation nearly impossible and stop two potential national team players from carrying out their inborn duties to serve the country when it seems to be so easy when don't have enough. Look at the people behind the UFL, Loyola Meralco and Global FC. True Filipino sportsmen.
~Kaiziken_Pinas (KP)
The Philippines is an archipelago. Yes, we learned that in our first grade classes. Seven thousand one hundred seven islands of varying cultures, customs, festivals and languages. Not to mention that the blood that runs through our veins is a melting pot of races. Even in my short (yes, I admit that I am, however, I'd like to call myself average) 5'5 stature, I have a bit of Chinese and Spanish blood in me. I don't even know the country of origin of my family name.
Filipinos are very much open to the idea of mixed races, take for example our football national team, the Azkals. We have players of Danish, British, Dutch and Spanish descent. People from other nations may call them Europeans (and some of our compatriots might, due to their insatiable hunger for Krabby Patties) due to their strict notion of purity of race. However, majority of the Filipinos don't care much about mixed bloodlines. They're pouring it out on the pitch all for the glory of their mother's and their homeland. That's all that matters.
 |
| They are Filipino as the people waving the three stars and the sun in the stands. From www.azkalsfootballteam.com |
The scenario is no different to that of our national basketball team, composed of some Fil-American players like Gabe Norwood and Matt Ganuelas Rosser and naturalized Filipino Marcus Douthit, who was quoted saying: “ I'll never have Filipino blood, but as far as becoming a Filipino, I'll always have it in my heart."
 | ||
| A Filipino he is - Yoda. From pba-online.net |
We've embraced several foreigners and considered them our own as well, like Alex Compton whose Filipino is a lot better than mine (I'm Ilonggo by the way), Rafe Bartholomew who wrote what I call the "Bible of Philippine Basketball", The Pacific Rims. If you haven't read it yet, you're not worthy to be called a basketball fan. Point is, I'm starting to think that blood isn't all important in making you a full-fledged Filipino. Internet "geniuses", crabs and journalists and politicians poking fun and ridicule at their own countrymen aren't really the type that I'd call Filipino. I don't see the logic behind calling them one of my own. I want to name names but an internet libel case wouldn't be an ideal jumpstart to a career in journalism, which happens to be my chosen field of study.
With that said, we're now off to the main topic at hand. We've all been aware of the Azkals exploits in the 2012 AFF Suzuki Cup. Some may call it a failure or a stagnancy, but I call it an improvement. Yes, we also reached the semifinals of the 2010 edition, but we proved this year that it wasn't a fluke. Our guys fought tooth and nail against the likes of Thailand and Singapore and triumphed against Vietnam and Myanmar, who we never hoped to beat until two years ago.
Unbeknownst to everyone, the AFF Suzuki Cup ran SMACK into the United Football League (or UFL) Cup schedule. The finals between Stallion FC vs Global and the battle for third between the Green Archers United and Loyola Meralco Sparks had to be moved to a later date, to which the UFL gladly obliged. Despite only relying from sponsors, team owners and aficionados and suffering from (I presume and I'm sure that this notion wouldn't be contested) shortage of monetary budget, these guys gave way. Admirable.
Segue to basketball. Our beloved Smart Gilas Pilipinas, mostly made up of amateur players, finished fourth in the 2011 FIBA Asia Championships. Despite being two victories short of qualifying to the Olympics, many saw this as the reemergence of Philippine basketball in the Asian scene, after dismal performances in the last decade. Only this year, our Smart Gilas 2.0, shocked everyone by winning the Philippines' fourth crown in the annual William Jones Cup. What made the campaign amazing is that most victories came from behind (games vs USA, Japan and Anyang KGC of South Korea) and all, sans two, were nailbiters (remember David's clutch jumpshots vs the SoKors? LA Tenorio's heroics vs the USA? Norwood's clutch treys that came out of nowhere? How we all held our breath when Mehdi Kamrani launched what could have been the game-winner?). Watch this video as a reference:
Yeah. TE-NO-REE-YOW! We were all screaming and jumping for joy when the screen flashed, Philippines 76-75 USA. "Congrats Philippines" and "LA Tenorio" were the top trends WORLDWIDE on Twitter that day. Nostalgic. We all long for the day that we can experience the same euphoria.
Despite all this, there are entities that seem to connive with the purpose of not allowing us to gain a much-coveted place in the Basketball World Cup in 2014. I don't mind us not being the hosts of the Asian Championships, it's FIBA's loss anyway. What I'm referring to is the inability of certain sectors to sit in a room, make an agreement that would benefit the motherland. But hey, we're talking about ticket sales, championships, business rivalries and pride, aren't we?
Our basketball league runs a full 10 months a year, generating millions of pesos (as opposed to those who say that it is a dying league). It's all about profit. It's all about pride. It's all about disunity and inability to give way to what is direly needed.
Money and pride, enough to make cooperation nearly impossible and stop two potential national team players from carrying out their inborn duties to serve the country when it seems to be so easy when don't have enough. Look at the people behind the UFL, Loyola Meralco and Global FC. True Filipino sportsmen.
~Kaiziken_Pinas (KP)
Friday, November 9, 2012
Itchy
I've been living the last few months inside a whirlwind of activity. Being a senior college student it's kind of obvious to know why it's been this way, nevertheless, the feeling of accomplishment makes life worth living, especially if you didn't really expect good results :)
The entry title may not be related to the subject at hand (trust me, it is). As Filipino basketball fans, the action served to us by the media throughout the year satisfies our "basketballgasms". Tapos na ang NCAA at UAAP, the PBA season is on full swing as well as the NBA. We're also treated to milestones and action in other sports. The Philippine National Rugby team, the Volcanoes, qualified to the Rugby World Cup 7s in Moscow 2013 via a third place finish in the Asian Championships. Meanwhile, the Azkals proved to be no longer the whipping boys in the region after shockingly winning, drawing and keeping margins closer than imagined against seasoned competition not only in South East Asia, but also in the whole continent. They're currently ranked 143rd in the world and 2nd in SEA.
With that said, there seems to be something amiss. The a few years ago Gilas 1 was participating in tournaments left and right, giving us both joy and heartaches. I've missed the feeling of looking for internet live streams of their matches in the Middle East, looking at sports pages for updates regarding the progress of the team, the issues they're in and the prospective players.
It kinda gives me an itch. I've gotten used to having a year-round national team. Don't get me wrong, I'm liking what I'm seeing from the current batch (Jones Cup champs and FIBA Asia Cup semifinalists) but there's just something missing.*sigh* Maybe it's time for me to get a girlfriend na. :(
 | ||
| Yes, this feeling. Can you relate? |
The entry title may not be related to the subject at hand (trust me, it is). As Filipino basketball fans, the action served to us by the media throughout the year satisfies our "basketballgasms". Tapos na ang NCAA at UAAP, the PBA season is on full swing as well as the NBA. We're also treated to milestones and action in other sports. The Philippine National Rugby team, the Volcanoes, qualified to the Rugby World Cup 7s in Moscow 2013 via a third place finish in the Asian Championships. Meanwhile, the Azkals proved to be no longer the whipping boys in the region after shockingly winning, drawing and keeping margins closer than imagined against seasoned competition not only in South East Asia, but also in the whole continent. They're currently ranked 143rd in the world and 2nd in SEA.
With that said, there seems to be something amiss. The a few years ago Gilas 1 was participating in tournaments left and right, giving us both joy and heartaches. I've missed the feeling of looking for internet live streams of their matches in the Middle East, looking at sports pages for updates regarding the progress of the team, the issues they're in and the prospective players.
It kinda gives me an itch. I've gotten used to having a year-round national team. Don't get me wrong, I'm liking what I'm seeing from the current batch (Jones Cup champs and FIBA Asia Cup semifinalists) but there's just something missing.*sigh* Maybe it's time for me to get a girlfriend na. :(
Friday, October 26, 2012
Nothing
Well. It's my first blog entry since May :) Good to be back. I've been busy either with my academics, school activities or just plain goofing off.
Anyway, what drove to me to write an entry is that I'm just... I don't know, struck by the feeling I once had last year. It was about this time of the year that I was immersing myself in things that I shouldn't have. Booze, nightlife, playing hooky, yosi (it's back again) and etc.
I've read something that returned those memories. I just wish I didn't. Those feelings of depression, frustration and sorrow still linger somewhere. I just don't know what could have happened if "love" consummated?
Haha. Who am I to stop a person from being in love anyway?
Anyway, what drove to me to write an entry is that I'm just... I don't know, struck by the feeling I once had last year. It was about this time of the year that I was immersing myself in things that I shouldn't have. Booze, nightlife, playing hooky, yosi (it's back again) and etc.
I've read something that returned those memories. I just wish I didn't. Those feelings of depression, frustration and sorrow still linger somewhere. I just don't know what could have happened if "love" consummated?
Haha. Who am I to stop a person from being in love anyway?
Saturday, May 19, 2012
An Interactive Story: An Excerpt
I had nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I clutched the five cent coin she gave me years ago. I looked at it intently and stared at the heavens which seemed to connive with my sadness by pouring on what seemed like tears of angels who pitied me. I turned my gaze on the clear, gushing stream unperturbed by the impact of raindrops dead set on disturbing its flow.
I was wet, so were my books, phone and notes. It meant nothing to me now. No. There was nothing wrong with me. It was just that. It had to happen so soon. So soon. In the happiest time of my life. It had to happen. It was my fault.
I wished to turn back time. I wished I never moved here. Bright lights suddenly illuminated the water. A car must have pulled over.
"Found you, said Leo. He covered me in a raincoat and knelt in front of me. "Let's go before you catch a cold."
I was confused. Why was I here in the first place? This same spot. This five cent coin. The hollow log near the side of the river. The stones that were scattered in front of me. Liquid flowed in my cheeks. I wasn't sure whether it came from my eyes or the rain. Leo tried to lift me up, but I stayed planted on the ground. He doesn't understand the feeling... and I hope he would never get to experience it. I was pathetic, inconsiderate and furious at myself for being in this position... for being the unwanted burden of my best friend.
"You idiot, he said, managing a fake smile. Come on now, I know you've had a... pretty bad day."
Bad day? Such insensitive words. I'll let it slide for now. I stood up and threw the five cent coin at the stream. Leo let out a sigh of relief.
"Sorry bro, I said. She wouldn't want me.....
I tried to smile. I failed. My legs gave way. I sat on the ground, crying like a newborn. Leo didn't know what to do. He just stood there and mumbled "let it all out."
If you wish to continue the story, also comment!
Part two will be written soon.
I clutched the five cent coin she gave me years ago. I looked at it intently and stared at the heavens which seemed to connive with my sadness by pouring on what seemed like tears of angels who pitied me. I turned my gaze on the clear, gushing stream unperturbed by the impact of raindrops dead set on disturbing its flow.
I was wet, so were my books, phone and notes. It meant nothing to me now. No. There was nothing wrong with me. It was just that. It had to happen so soon. So soon. In the happiest time of my life. It had to happen. It was my fault.
I wished to turn back time. I wished I never moved here. Bright lights suddenly illuminated the water. A car must have pulled over.
"Found you, said Leo. He covered me in a raincoat and knelt in front of me. "Let's go before you catch a cold."
I was confused. Why was I here in the first place? This same spot. This five cent coin. The hollow log near the side of the river. The stones that were scattered in front of me. Liquid flowed in my cheeks. I wasn't sure whether it came from my eyes or the rain. Leo tried to lift me up, but I stayed planted on the ground. He doesn't understand the feeling... and I hope he would never get to experience it. I was pathetic, inconsiderate and furious at myself for being in this position... for being the unwanted burden of my best friend.
"You idiot, he said, managing a fake smile. Come on now, I know you've had a... pretty bad day."
Bad day? Such insensitive words. I'll let it slide for now. I stood up and threw the five cent coin at the stream. Leo let out a sigh of relief.
"Sorry bro, I said. She wouldn't want me.....
I tried to smile. I failed. My legs gave way. I sat on the ground, crying like a newborn. Leo didn't know what to do. He just stood there and mumbled "let it all out."
***
I stared at the bowl of soup in front of me. Chicken soup. It was for the soul they said. A towel was draped unto my shoulder. It was either damp with shower water or my tears. I couldn't eat. The feeling on my stomach rendered me unable to pick up the silver spoon lying in front of me. I'm a failure.
Eondrei stood with Leo at the door, bidding me and Lora goodbye. Chelsea was already in bed, which was a good thing. She needn't see me in this state.
"Eat, said Lora. I'll be in front of you."
For what? It didn't make any sense to me.
_______________________________________
Blogger's note:
If you get what happened to him, just write a comment and I'll respond ASAP! Eondrei stood with Leo at the door, bidding me and Lora goodbye. Chelsea was already in bed, which was a good thing. She needn't see me in this state.
"Eat, said Lora. I'll be in front of you."
For what? It didn't make any sense to me.
_______________________________________
Blogger's note:
If you wish to continue the story, also comment!
Part two will be written soon.
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